feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
