Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
