Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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