I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
