I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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