I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
