i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
