Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
