why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
