I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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