you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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