Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
