How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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