And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
