K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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