The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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