My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
