Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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