You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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