me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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