Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
