Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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