Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
