His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
These tits shall not be calmed
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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