he puts the penis in happiness.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
