im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck