I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
