ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
