I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
