why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
