He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
