I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
