so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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