Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
