i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize