I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
