you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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