We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
