smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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