Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
