sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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