i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
