FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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