I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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