I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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