worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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