my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
