Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
