apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
