I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
