Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
