trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
