I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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