so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
