dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
