So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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