I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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