Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
