I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize