Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
