I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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