My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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