Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
