i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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