im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
