PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
They are going to name an STD after you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
