Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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