can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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